24 First Date Rules For Straight Men Who Don’t Want To Die Alone

1. Don’t shower. See if you can work construction the day of your date. You want to know if she loves the real you.
2. Do some vanity push-ups before you go. You want to look swole. Bonus points if you pop a chest button on the date.
3. Wear pants.
4. Forget your wallet. It will empower the financially independent woman.
5. Always wear a condom. Go ahead and put it on before you leave the house. Safety first.
6. Keep your eyes above her neck at all times. If you’re walking through treacherous terrain because you’re in an apocalyptic movie of some kind, or maybe just a city street with potholes, still you cannot look down. Good luck.

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